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These are the thoughts that go through my head in my backyard on a sunday afternoon when I have the house to myself and I am not expending all that energy on fighting with my boyfriend Is he the one that I will marry and why is it so hard to be objective about myself why do I feel cellularly alone am I supposed to live in this crazy city can blindly continued fear-induced regurtitated life-denying tradition be overcome Where does the money go that I send to those in need, if we have so much why do some people have nothing still why do I feel frantic when I first wake up in the morning why do you say you are spiritual, yet you treat people like shit How can you say you`re close to God, and yet you talk behind my back as though I`m not a part of you, why do I say "I`m fine" when it`s obvious I`m not, why`s it so hard to tell you what I want why can`t you just read my mind? Why do I fear that the quieter I am the less you will listen why do I care whether you like me or not why`s it so hard for me to be angry why is it such work to stay conscious and so easy to get stuck and not the other way around Will I ever move back to Canada Can I be with a lover with whom I am a student and a master, oh why am I encouraged to shut my mouth when it gets too close to home, why cannot I live in the moment
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